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I'm Scared

It's something that everyone will suffer from. We all get scared over thousands of "what ifs”. Everyone questions their own ability (and capability) to be strong enough to cope with problems, but you will learn to manage pretty fast.  


Don't worry about what's ahead. Just go as far as you can go - from there you can see farther             quote by David Letterman


It is often written that it is only YOU that control your fear.  How you react to your sudden change in heart rate apparently, is the key to coping.  This is not always easy when you are riding such an emotional rollercoaster!


You may not even recognise some of your emotions as being scared. You could just be feeling low or maybe insecure. When your loved one deploys, you lose all control. You don’t know where they are, where they are sleeping, if they are safe. You can barely imagine what they are going through, what they are seeing, what they are doing. Are they thinking about you and the family, how will you cope without them for six months. OH and how will you cope if something goes wrong!


So many questions – its no wonder you feel scared .


You do learn to feel secure despite your loneliness and lack of control.  Here are a few examples, see if they ring any bells?


Will he be safe and come back alive or suffer physical or mental problems?

There is no answer to this but never forget that very few are harmed so think positive.


Will seeing news in the media of some horrific incident throw me into turmoil ? would be abnormal if you weren't scared so try and stay away from all media such as newspapers and TV news. That will half your worries in one go.


Can I manage at home doing all the things he used to do?

YES... You will soon get the hang of it and into the routine of doing things he used to do such as bills and jobs round the house. You will become an expert at it.


Am I safe at home alone?

YES...use all the tips on staying safe in the "Preparing for Them To Go" section. Don't stay out late or come home alone at night. Always lock up your home.  Use your common sense and don’t allow strangers into your house. Phone the police for help if you are not at all sure about someone who might be trying to get in or who is suspicious. Even if it’s a false alarm its better safe than sorry. They get many false alarms and they don’t mind. Phone a neighbour who you have asked to help you out when needed. Report any trouble makers.


Will he fall out of love with me as time passes?

NO... Why should he do that when his thoughts and conversations with his mates are about you and home. He loves you as much as he always has.


Can I get the kids to understand and protect them from worries?

YES.. Kids are strong and will adapt accordingly to the situation with lots of love and care from you.


Will I have friends and family to be supportive when I need them?

All your friends and family will be there for you...some better than others! Remember to ask for help. People get wrapped up in their own lives and won’t automatically know that you need help


Will I be supported during my time at work and have a boss who understands?

Most work mates and bosses will understand and help you when you are at work and make allowances for emotional outbursts. Most will permit you to have time off during R&R. You may be unlucky and have a boss far from sympathetic!

If you think that anxiety is regularly becoming a problem, then take a look at the NHS pages for coping with stress and worries.  Talk to your friends and family as much as you can, they are probably sharing the same fears.