In this section

The Letter You Wish You Hadn't Sent

Let’s be honest – we have all sent them!Cartoon Mail : Man carrying envelope with letter. 3d rendered illustration.

 

Oh my God – what have I done?!?

It a horrible feeling when you realised the knee jerk reaction where you have made something minor into something major. Sadly, there is no Tardis for you to step into so that you can go backwards to the time – your words are flying overseas and there is nothing you can do about it now.

 

There are thousands of reasons this was written in the first place. Was it to blame for the situation of making you suffer all of this because of the career? Could it be because the children are driving you mad and you have lived the same day over and over for six long months? Could it be that you feel your relationship is falling apart? Did you read a most loving letter from him but when having a down time twisted it to pieces thinking he didnt mean those loving words but just wrote what he thought you would like to hear? You will often read loving ones that you pull apart and read between the lines when you are feeling low. That for a start breaks you up with your own imagination going berserk with daft thoughts in your head.Was it pure anger with a great mix of things that has blown into one unmanageable heap? Have they barely written to you? Whatever the tale is, its too late now!  

 

The difficult thing is, if they were home you could tell them how you are feeling (row hammer and tongs if you want to), banter back and forth, make a compromise, fight a bit then make up. Then it is all over and done with.

 

However, when you send an angry letter, the only person really punished is you while you sit around waiting for the fall out. Willing the phone to ring, checking your emails.  Usually you will write something in the heat of the moment or even worse, after a few drinks when you are feeling lonely and miserable.  

 

 And if it’s all too late and it’s gone, then don’t beat yourself up about it. Most of the time you still mean everything you have written. If it is over something trivial well they will just probably read your letter out to their mates and if it’s over something bigger then realistically nothing is going to get sorted until they get home. Its impossible to deal with big problems while they are away. Chances are…..you will forgive them everything the minute you get them home.   

Well….. for a short time at least.

 

We all know how hard it is being at home worrying about them, constantly watching the news and generally coping with every dayness. You are bound to have your bad days, you are under enormous stress. It is unrealistic to think that you won’t have moments where you resent them being away.

 

I know it’s easy to say, and we say it a lot, try to focus on the positives and remember - they are not exactly out having a picnic either.

Maybe stick another nicer letter in the post pretty quick.

 

It’s even easier to send an e-bluey and regret it – one hit of that send button and it’s all too late.  If you are in any doubt about an email / letter then just wait until the following day. It is always best to decide once you have cooled off. It is very good for you to write your letter. It unbottles all those pent up feelings. It gets all those gnawing emotions down on paper or on your computer. BUT don't send it !! For all painful feelings that you may come across then write them down too. Go through what you have written slowly, carefully and see for yourself the knee jerk type of reaction you were going to rashly send. It makes sense to take control and it is an excellent therapy because once you have poured out your feelings, upon re reading it then the anger will seem much reduced. Try it and see for yourself. In everyday life people often say things they dont really mean and then regret it because it was making a mountain out of a mole hill and you let those words out.

Most times you will really shock yourself when you read it back and then wonder why on earth you were so sour. Such relief. That could have been a close call if you hadn't stopped yourself from pressing "send" or putting it in the post box. You will probably write a more gentle and mature letter of complaint if you think it is justified. After all we can't wrap them up in cottonwool as you must let them know that they can never treat you badly and get away with it. You are not the proverbial "Door mat". They need to be kept in line if it is absolutely necessary. However, decide properly when you are not so up tight.